Have you ever watched a Pro Tour on your phone while bottle feeding a baby? Do you listen to equal parts children's music as Flesh and Blood podcasts in the car? Do your online games end abruptly when naptime is over? Is opening booster boxes family bonding time? Have you used Flesh and Blood to teach math concepts? Do you stash cards in a forbidden section of the house? Are your Top 8 dreams met with "what time will you be home?". If yes, you might be a Fab Dad. Welcome, we have been waiting for you.
Some dads golf. Others go fishing, hunting or bowling. Fab Dads play Flesh and Blood. We eat dinner with the family, then stoically 2-1-drop at Armories because it's getting late. We share our successes, tribulations, and epic pulls on social media with the hashtag #fabdad. We gather on Discord to offer support and share stories. Are you one of us?
My Flesh and Blood Origin Story
I began playing Flesh and Blood in February of 2021, when Armories were online and before I had children. The pandemic left me down on my job as a teacher, scared to go outside, and disturbed by the political climate in the United States. I needed something to look forward to each week, so I played webcam blitz games twice a week through Discord. Flesh and Blood was what I needed at the time. It was clearly a special game, and discovering it offered respite from the world I was living in.
When Armories returned to stores, I got out of my house for the first time in a year to play cards. I met new people, became a better player, won cold foil prizes, and felt joy again. I was hooked on this feeling. Just one more pack, one more tournament, one more win.
I practiced religiously for a blitz Skirmish and felt vindicated when I won. Dorinthea became my favorite champion. I was proud of my accomplishment and excited to be back in stores playing with others.
While all of this was happening, my wife was pregnant with our first child. While I was out at tournaments, she was home planning the nursery, attending Lamaze seminars, and in need of support. I didn't want to do those things yet, I told myself. I was reeling from the mental effects of the pandemic, swallowing the fact that I would soon be father, and wrapping my head around the harsh truth that our daughter would be inheriting my neurological disease, Charcot Marie Tooth's disease, or CMT (more on this at a later time). I didn't want to be at home under the weight of everything.
FAB offered an escape from the things I was too afraid to face. I tested for hours during the day, watched videos at night and dreamed of decklist tweaks. My summer goal was to qualify for US Nationals so I attended three Road to Nationals events. I missed Top 8 on breakers every time. The loss was devastating. If I wasn't winning, I'd have to face the fact that my time spent practicing could have been used getting ready for the baby. I justified the over indulgence at the time as my last hurrah before I settled into my responsibilities as a new parent. Delaying the inevitable only made the transition into parenthood more brutal. Summer ended. I wasn't going to Nationals. Work started. My free time shrunk; I was still not ready to be a dad. Shit.
My daughter was born in the early fall of 2021. Prerelease, World Premiers, The Callings and Nationals happened while I sat on the couch at home. It was an exciting time for FAB, but I was struggling. I went from having multiple nights a week and weekends for games, to not attending an armory for months. Parenthood was a tidal wave. For the first months, our daughter had colic and failed to gain weight. She cried all the time. My wife and I brought her to various specialists and consultants as anxious new parents. We took shifts holding her throughout the night in an armchair. Life was upside down. Rather than leaning into this reality, I continued to seek distractions through my phone, food, and video games. I could not give up the life I enjoyed before my daughter was born.
I was experiencing withdrawal from FAB. Cards were my distraction and without them, I was forced to sit in detox as my new life unfolded. I tried to watch coverage of The Callings and Nationals but I was merely a zombified diaper changer, too tired to pay attention to the streams. I gained twenty pounds, reactivated my yoga membership only to never attend a class, grieved my former life, started online therapy, and slipped back into a home-bound state of uncertainty similar to during the pandemic. The responsibilities I set aside during the summer had caught up to me. I still was not ready. I didn't think being a dad would be this hard. I couldn't find the balance and I didn’t believe anyone who said it would get better.
A Fab Dad Emerges
I started online therapy a month before my daughter was born. I knew I needed help getting my life together, and I owed it to myself and family to start trying. Weekly sessions gave me space to peel away the layers of myself that weren't helping. I realized, if being hard on one's self was advantageous, it would have worked by now. I set aside the judgmental, overly-critical, and self-indulgent voice in my head for the first time in twenty years. I stood in front of a mountain, and took one step forward. I unpacked my childhood, faced my fears and accepted the turn my life had taken. I took another step. I scheduled physical therapy appointments to take better care of myself. The cholic and the crying stopped. I cooked dinners and attended Wednesday night Armories when time allowed. I expanded our local playgroup with free blitz decks and made new friends. I took another step. I went to swim class and story time with my wife and daughter. I sang songs around the house. My daughter crawled, laughed and stood for the first time. I took my dog on walks and listened to FAB podcasts. Another step. I filmed my daughter's first "Dadada" while at the dinner table. I qualified for Nationals. I found time to design playmats and tokens. My wife and I went on our first date in a year. I won a FAB fan fiction writing contest. I accepted that I was enough and stopped worrying myself about what used to be, what should be, or what could be. I became a more present husband, father, and human.
I write this not to inspire sympathy, but to connect with others who are struggling. Writing is my preferred method of self expression and I feel better when I can take time to get the words right. I am not over the pandemic, nor my childhood, nor the life I used to have; however, I am at a vantage where I can stop and appreciate the view. Watching my daughter grow is wonderful. She brings joy to our family and I am open to experience it. I love my wife. She is a selfless mother who teaches me what it means to love a child. I am sorry that I wasted a summer prioritizing a card game over our family.
I can see a life moving forward and I am not terrified to live it. There is still a lot to learn, there are new players to teach and new friends to meet. There are milestones for my daughter and more firsts as she grows. There will be more fears, doubts and uncertainties. There are cold foils to win and playmats to collect. I am a dad, celebrating each day in the flesh and blood.
About the Author
Evan McGrew is an advocate, player and writer in the Washington DC area who enjoys growing the game one player at a time. He is the creative force behind FAB TCG CARDS’ playmats and tokens. When he is not putting counters on his Dawnblade, Evan teaches 5th grade in Virginia.
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